20-Something Wants To Buy Car Instead of Saving Money – Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started dating someone with whom I had immediate and electric chemistry. Just being near him sets my body on fire. It’s weird and amazing all at once. I have never had such a physical reaction to anyone. It’s almost like I want to melt into him. As you can imagine, that is fun, but reality is quite different. He is unemployed. While he says he needs a job, I don’t see him putting in the effort that it will take to find one. He is kind but not driven. I, on the other hand, am a go-getter. I have a booming career, and I always have my sights set on how to build my future. I wonder if I can be with someone who is not like me. I love being with him, but fun will not be enough for me in the long run. I know myself. I don’t just want a boy toy. How can I address this with him? — More Than Fun

DEAR MORE THAN FUN: You already know what this man is like. Can you accept him for who he is? If you want him in your life, what kind of relationship will work for you? Can you be open with him about that? Some people are satisfied with having a fun, sexual relationship that isn’t supposed to go further. Do you think you can do that? If what you truly want is a partner who is both exciting in bed and responsible in life, this is not your man. You cannot change him.

Assess the situation and decide what you can live with. If you like him enough to see what the future holds, tell him what you want in a relationship and ask if he wants to try to fulfill that. If he is willing to make the effort and you are willing to support him along the way, there may be a chance for the two of you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)